Dear Abby: Retiree wants to learn how to say ‘no’

Dear Abby I have spent years serving the citizens and my country putting other people first and feeling guilty if I didn t However I am becoming resentful of the demands for my time I m retired and my husband still works We have perpetually split the expenses - even though I make less than of his income Once I retired my share of the household chores and errands increased from to I craved to make life easier for my husband but now he expects me to run personal errands for him too All the wear and tear and gas usage is borne by my car which is considerably older than his I have a friend and walking partner who has been having different issues she demands help with She has unfailingly talked about the close friends she has known for decades and sees regularly They all live about minutes away and are retired in good vitality and able to drive I offered her my help in the past but now she and her friends think I should be her go-to person since I live closer to her than they do I have my own schedule and routine now I like having several days free to do what I feel like and not have to fulfill demands from others How do I let people know MY time is valuable and discourage them from expecting me to help them Too Nice and Helpful Dear Too Nice It is not a crime to tell someone you don t have time to do what they want you to do It s time to sign up for chosen assertiveness training so you can learn how to say no No I m not kidding If you do as I suggest it might even improve your marriage Your healthcare provider or fitness insurance company can refer you to someone qualified Dear Abby The floor I work on has a cluster of offices surrounding a central kitchen area Fifteen of us share the appliances including a hot water reservoir with a tap The building is old and has lead pipes so a institution brings in large plastic bottles for a water cooler Usually whoever arrives first in the morning fills the tank on the water heater from the cooler and we all use it to make hot drinks during the day I just located out that a new employee has been filling the tank from the contaminated tap When I questioned her about it she noted that the microplastics in the water jugs were more dangerous than the lead in the pipes She s very committed to this idea and is not going to budge I don t think this is right I will heat my own water from now on but how should I warn the others in the office The source of our tea water seems like a silly thing to start an office tiff over but I also think people need to know their water is unsafe Not Drinking in New York Dear Not Drinking I agree the employees in your office should know about this At least they will be on notice about which poison they are consuming Document this to HR or your employer so the announcement can come from on high and you can stay out of the line of fire Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA