How do parents handle gift-giving after a divorce?

Q I need help with post-divorce gift giving etiquette After our divorce my ex bought me a lovely Tiffany necklace from our children for my birthday I was surprised because money is tight and our kids are and they are not shopping at Tiffany For his birthday I took the children shopping and let them pick out gifts for him We talked about a budget and I gave them each to spend One picked out a new Red Sox hat and the other bought him several pairs of fun socks which they know he loves He was upset that I didn t make a grander gesture What is the expectation of gift giving for an ex-spouse on behalf of the children post divorce With Mother s Day and Father s Day coming up I do not want another mis-step like the birthday experience A There is no obligation to buy gifts of any sort for your ex after the divorce I congratulate both of you on putting your children first and realizing that they will want to give gifts to the other parent for special occasions and at their ages do not have an easy means of doing so without your help Since you and your ex both realized helping your children give the other gifts is the right thing to do for them you likely have the kind of relationship where you can have a reasonable conversation about this Suggest to him that a gift is more meaningful if the children pick it out themselves Suggest helping them budget for purchasing a gift so the children learn major lessons about money You can even suggest that you each have your children do certain chores around the house to help earn the money to pay for the gift If he is worried about the quality of the gift try to agree on a cap on spending so the children have similar budgets in each of your homes If you do not have the funds to help your child buy gifts for major events consider asking an adult on your ex s side of the family for help For example would a grandparent be accessible to the children and able to take them shopping If so maybe your assistance could be to help your children have a conversation with their grandparents about wanting to give their dad a nice gift but not having the money or a way to get to a store you could even facilitate a visit with his parents on your time to keep the shopping a surprise for him Email questions to whickey brickjones com